It is perhaps an exaggeration to say that the Internet saved
my life. But back in the darkest days of my grief, I’m not so sure that it
didn’t save my sanity.
Through the Internet I have made some wonderful friends.
Some live just a few miles away, others I probably will never meet in person.
And all stops in-between. The common feature is that they have all given totally
non-judgmental support when I needed it.
It is also where Robert and I found one another. I think it
came as a surprise to both of us that we did, or at least so quickly, but it
would be rather churlish to complain about that!
And it is a constant feature in my work. For research, for
moving files around, for working on servers half a country away. I fondly
remember the days when assignments turned up in brown envelopes through the
door and research necessitated a bus trip to Manchester Central Library. When
deadlines were measured in weeks, not days. That sort of timescale would be unimaginable now.
Lately I have found myself drawing away from it though. My life
seems more and more to be firmly rooted in the Real World. I am doing less paid
work, and we are working more on house renovations. Not having animals in
the field means we can lock the doors and simply leave home behind for a few
days without having to organise people to dole out feed and water and put the
poultry to bed at night.
Over Christmas I went on a complete Internet fast. Simply
turned it off. Pulled the plug and hid my laptop out of sight for nearly a
fortnight.
It was an unexpected pleasure. More time for reading,
hand-sewing and knitting. More time to sit in front of the woodburner with a
garden plan and seed catalogues in hand. More time to simply chat and laugh and
plan and eat and share a bottle of wine. What could be better?
In all this cutting down, however, one thing I have really
missed has been this blog, and having a place to record the passing of the days.
2012 was an incredible year for me.
Not just getting married. But relearning how to be truly
happy. How to share my life again.
There were difficult parts too. Robert had to go into
hospital for a small surgery under general anaesthetic. I was almost paralysed
with terror. Hospital for me was still a place where people go to die, not to
get better. It is an irrational fear, I know, and on this occasion was
unfounded, I am happy to report.
There has also been some bad, bad stuff with his ex. It is
still ongoing, but there is an end in sight now, and working through it all has
been very good for us as a couple.
And I lost my precious friend Moose in the Autumn.
His back legs had become very wobbly, but he was happy pottering around at home. He still enjoyed his food and barking at the postman. Then one day he had a sort-of-stroke. It left him with severe vertigo and he was unable to stand up. All he could do was look at me with such confusion in his eyes. It was heart-breaking to see, and the time had come to say goodbye.
I still miss him every day that passes.
His back legs had become very wobbly, but he was happy pottering around at home. He still enjoyed his food and barking at the postman. Then one day he had a sort-of-stroke. It left him with severe vertigo and he was unable to stand up. All he could do was look at me with such confusion in his eyes. It was heart-breaking to see, and the time had come to say goodbye.
I still miss him every day that passes.
But mostly the year has been fast-moving and fun, full of passion and movement and change. I regret not having recorded it all on these pages. So the beginning of a new year seems like a good time to kick-start this blog again. I seem to remember writing something very similar at this time last year, but perhaps I may be able to make more time for it in 2013.
